Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
