I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
