Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
