He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
