My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize