i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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