the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
