Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize