I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
