I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
