After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
