I just made out with a guy for $7.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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