What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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