In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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