whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You ruined the universe
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
