do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
