There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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