it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
