As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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