She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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