I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want to be your penis for a week.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
