Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
