Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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