Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
