I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
