the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
