Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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