and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
