I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
