Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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