I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
