At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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