she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
