I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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