there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
