It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
