i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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