when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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