yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
