nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
