You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
