I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
