What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
