cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
