Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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