I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
