so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
