I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
