I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
