I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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