Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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