You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
