Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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