Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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