I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
