i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
never play flip cup with pint glasses
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
