I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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