I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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