I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize