I will die if light touches me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
