I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
