Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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