He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
