My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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