fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just cut my nipple shaving
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
