i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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