She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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