I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
