I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
