i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
