I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
