guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
