he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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