If i come over, it means nothing
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
