Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
