Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
