She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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