why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
