And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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