i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's no shave November. This is our time.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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