made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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