My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
